Thu, 04/19/2018 - 8:30pm

A better solution to the balloons? 

To the Editor:

So, we have banned balloons on Block Island — made it to The New York Post, but I think in a laughing manner. Understanding that most balloons float in from Long Island to our beaches on a predominant southwest breeze, maybe banning them on Long Island would be more logical. However, we all agree plastic bags, balloons, and straws are a threat to our sensitive environment. Imposing a mandatory $200 fine is another thing entirely. A child unaware that they'd be arrested after walking off the boat with a balloon will be a tourist problem. Off to police headquarters for hours to be processed as a criminal! It's mandatory, but for what?

An anonymous source has told me (I can't divulge his name or he would be institutionalized) that Chief Carlone is very serious about this new law. He recently went on record to rid the island of DUI drivers, check bars for over-serving their customers, stop speeding, excess mopeds, domestic assaults, drugs, unregistered vehicles, unregistered individuals, prostitution, house rental parties, beach parties of 1,000 or more, beach fires, speeding fire engines going to a fire, chickens in the road, and no bicycle or moped helmets. Now it's balloons. He will get you for sure!

Carlone needs help with all of this, and has considered an individual for hire that will enforce the balloon policy. The new officer will be undercover so that he may sneak up on children unnoticed as an officer. He calls himself Coo Coo the Clown and loves the thought of working and living here with his family, a bunch of little Coo Coos. He will sign a work agreement only if he gets housing, that being a 1.2 million dollar home. The house must meet Ronald McDonald House specifications. Therefore, there is Zoning, Planning, Historical Commission and finally the Town Council. 

All of this would be very time-consuming, but the Chief needs him now as the balloons begin to fly. Truthfully, with clowns running all of the above, it is already a done deal.

On a more serious note, the law is fine — the fine is not and is ridiculous. Media attention it got — and that is of most importance. Coo Coo could say, "Can I have your balloon" and let it be. Chief Carlone has better things to do and I haven't heard him say he doesn't .

John Willis

Beacon Hollow Farm